Is the Police Station Really the Best Place for Child Changeovers After Separation?
When separating families are entrenched in high conflict, it can feel like there's no safe or civil way to hand over the children. In these cases, some parents turn to police stations as a location for changeovers, believing it ensures safety and accountability.
But is meeting at a police station truly the best long-term solution for families—and more importantly, for children?
✅ Why Do Families Use Police Stations for Changeovers?
There are a few valid reasons why a police station might be chosen for handovers:
Perceived safety: High-conflict or volatile relationships can lead one or both parents to fear for their physical or emotional safety.
Protection from allegations: Being in a monitored space may feel like a safeguard against false accusations.
Court-ordered arrangements: In rare cases, a judge may direct police station handovers as a short-term safety measure.
Lack of alternatives: Without family or neutral third parties to assist, a police station may seem like the only viable option.
While these reasons are understandable, police station changeovers are rarely ideal as a long-term arrangement.
🚨 What Message Are We Sending to Children?
Handing over children at a police station sends strong visual and emotional cues—especially to a developing child who is already adjusting to the emotional turbulence of separation. While parents might choose this setting for safety, the unintended messages being absorbed by children can be harmful to their long-term wellbeing.
Let’s unpack the messages, and the hidden emotional cost:
1. “This is dangerous.”
A police station is synonymous with crime, danger, and authority. When children are regularly brought to a place typically associated with punishment or emergencies, it can create a sense of fear or anxiety around family life.
Why it matters:
Children may begin to internalize the idea that their family is unsafe, abnormal, or even “bad.” Over time, this can lead to heightened stress responses, anxiety, or feelings of shame—especially if they don’t understand why the handover is happening in such a serious setting.
2. “My parents can’t even speak to each other.”
Using a police station often signals to the child that the conflict between their parents is so intense, they can’t be trusted to be in the same space without supervision.
Why it matters:
This can undermine a child’s emotional security and stability. It may cause them to feel caught in the middle or responsible for keeping the peace. In high-conflict separations, many children already feel torn between loyalty to each parent. These kinds of handovers can worsen that emotional burden.
3. “The police are part of our family routine.”
Over time, involving the police—even indirectly—can normalize a sense of surveillance and tension in the child’s life.
Why it matters:
Children exposed to high-conflict or adversarial parenting environments are more likely to struggle with emotional regulation, self-esteem issues, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life. The involvement of law enforcement, even if benign, can amplify these feelings and create long-term distrust in conflict resolution.
4. “I should feel worried.”
Children are highly attuned to their caregivers’ stress levels. If parents appear tense, rushed, or on edge during a police station changeover, children may absorb those emotions without being able to process them.
Why it matters:
Young children especially may not have the verbal skills to express their discomfort. Instead, they might “act out,” withdraw emotionally, or develop anxiety-related behaviours like sleep disturbances, stomach aches, or academic challenges.
👶 Children Need Stability, Not Symbolic Threats
At its core, a safe and child-focused changeover should aim to provide the child with a calm transition, where they can feel safe, supported, and emotionally neutral about spending time with each parent.
When a changeover location makes a child feel unsettled, embarrassed, or anxious, the damage can be subtle—but accumulative.
And the good news? There are better alternatives that promote healing, cooperation, and emotional wellbeing—for everyone involved.
🤝 What Are Better Alternatives to Police Station Changeovers?
There are safer, more child-friendly alternatives that promote peaceful parenting transitions—even in high-conflict separations:
Supervised Changeover Services
Community-based child contact centres provide structured, neutral environments for changeovers. Staff are trained to de-escalate tension and manage logistics.Mutual Public Places
Parks, libraries, or cafes near schools can be good neutral territory if both parents can remain civil. These are less intimidating environments for children.School-Based Changeovers
Where appropriate, parents can coordinate pick-up and drop-off at school, reducing the need for direct interaction.Using a Support Person
Having a trusted family member or friend facilitate handovers can allow parents to avoid direct contact altogether.Parenting Plans or Mediation Agreements
Working with a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner to formalise structured, safe, and respectful changeover arrangements can prevent ongoing stress and conflict.
🌱 There’s a Better Way Forward
If your current changeover arrangement feels tense, unsafe, or is impacting your children—there are ways to change that.
At Dannielle Young Mediation, I help separated parents explore safe, child-focused solutions that support stability and reduce conflict.
You don’t need to live in fear. You don’t need the police involved in your parenting. You can create a calmer, more respectful approach to co-parenting transitions—with the right support.
📞Book your confidential intake session today
📍 In-person and online sessions available across Australia
