Support Person in Mediation - Should you consider bringing a support person to mediation and what they can and can’t do

Mediation can be an effective way to resolve disputes during a separation or divorce, allowing both parties to negotiate and agree on important matters such as child custody, asset division, and future arrangements. However, mediation can also be an emotionally intense experience, especially for those navigating the end of a relationship. Many people find comfort in bringing a support person to mediation. But it’s important to understand the role of a support person in this context and what they can and can’t do.

In this blog post, we’ll explain how having a support person present can benefit you during mediation, while also clarifying the rules about their involvement in the process.

1. Emotional Support:

The primary role of a support person is to offer emotional reassurance during mediation. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or professional, a support person can provide a sense of calm and help alleviate some of the emotional burden. Going through a separation or divorce can be stressful, and knowing that someone you trust is nearby can make the process feel less overwhelming.

Remember, a support person is not there to advocate for you or speak on your behalf. Their role is strictly supportive. They can’t actively participate in the negotiations or influence the outcome of the mediation. Instead, their presence helps you feel more secure and cantered during the process.

2. No Active Participation:

It’s important to note that the support person cannot participate in the mediation discussions or the negotiations themselves. While they can be present in the room, they cannot speak on your behalf, offer advice during the mediation, or represent your interests. Their role is strictly non-interfering.

Before you bring someone along, you’ll need to agree with the other party (and your mediator, if applicable) that they can be present. The other party must consent to their presence, and everyone involved in the mediation must respect that the support person’s role is passive.

3. A Calm Presence in a High-Stress Situation:

Even though they can't directly influence the conversation, a support person can be a valuable source of emotional support if the discussions become difficult. If emotions run high during mediation, having someone to turn to for reassurance can help you stay focused and calm. This can be especially important in contentious mediations or when discussing sensitive topics like children’s care or property division.

4. A Helping Hand in Navigating the Process:

The presence of a support person can also help you navigate the mediation process itself. They can assist with practical matters, such as managing time, keeping track of the mediation schedule, and ensuring that you take proper breaks if needed. While they can't advocate for you, their presence can create a more comfortable environment where you feel less isolated.

5. Maintaining the Integrity of the Process:

Mediation is designed to be a confidential and self-directed process, where both parties have equal input. A support person’s presence should not disrupt this balance. Their role is to support the parties emotionally and not to engage in the negotiation or decision-making. Any support person who attends mediation will be subject to the same rules of confidentiality that the parties are.  That is, they cannot discuss what happened in the mediation outside of the mediation.  Support people will be asked to sign an Acknowledgement of confidentiality that they understand this is a key part of the acceptance of them being in the mediation. Keeping this boundary in mind helps preserve the integrity of the mediation process, making it more likely that you’ll reach a fair and amicable agreement.

Mediation can be a highly effective way of resolving disputes during a separation, but it can also be emotionally draining. Bringing a support person along can provide reassurance and emotional stability during this difficult time. However, it’s important to understand that a support person cannot actively participate in negotiations or decision-making. Their role is limited to offering emotional support and ensuring you feel more comfortable throughout the process.

If you are considering mediation for your separation or divorce, talk to your mediator and the other party about bringing a support person. Having someone by your side can make all the difference in how you experience the process.